I came across your blog while visiting the "20 something bloggers" page. I remember it well. When I started reading those amazing entries I thought to myself: "I should start writing again, it helps me a lot" and I came back here, to my old blog, the one that I used to release the tension and to let go of the sadness that came after having lost my father and grandfather in less than 24 hours in what (still to this day) I think it was for the best. How could mom, grandma and me take care of my grandpa with Alzheimer's? Whenever he had those moments when he didn't recognize anyone, dad would be there to hold him back. I was just 18 and had no idea that he had that illness. Just imagine!
Now, five years later I can say that if it hadn't been because of therapy and my writing in this blog, probably I would still be dealing with the mourning and learning to let go process. I also will be forever thankful for everything that I learnt while I studied Psychology in college. That helped me too in order to understand the mourning process. It motivated me to investigate more and help the members of my family. Now, I'm also able to share this wisdom with whoever needs it. I can sincerely say: "I know what you've been through and I'm here to help you." Even though I never finished my studies, I'm planning to do it because I've succeeded in giving advice to many people who got bullied and had suicidal thoughts. I was there for them, listening and giving them my advice, telling them that they will win in the future. Have the lead role in their lives, be their own directors and decide where their lives will go.
Religion helped me too. I'm very Catholic and going to church gave me this amazing feeling of peace. Every time the priest talked I felt that I had the answer to what was wrong inside me that day. And now I apply that wisdom and sayings with those in need.
I even wrote a novel as a kind of therapeutic release of my feelings, without ever having imagined that such amazing words would come out from inside me and be printed in an A4 page. Writing from that dark place and at that moment made everything very genuine and unique that I think I will never be able to express what I did back then.
Then, reading your blog made me search inside me for things that I thought were forgotten, opinions that were now ready to burst out in written words. Everything had a different meaning. Now I was able to read things from a completely different perspective and I embraced them.
My therapist saw that change in me and told me to embrace it. Sometimes I even got amazed with myself for those words that came out from my mouth. Who was this new girl? I started writing again to communicate that change is possible with effort and commitment to the subject.
Thank you for helping me remember so many things, for making me not afraid to speak my mind, to let the real me out from inside me.
You said "Change is good. Find peace within your life of transit" and that's what I did. I used to hate some people that hurt me in the past and I've learnt to let go and whenever I had the chance I told them how they taught me so many things for my path in life. No heart feeling with anyone. Those bullies who told me that I was ugly, fat, weird and so many other things were the ones who made me stronger, they made me want to be better. And I am, today I can say for sure that I am. I've achieved so many things in my life, I've dealt with loss, failure, sadness, loneliness and turned them into profit, success, happiness and friendship.
I'm myself in a 100%. After 23 years of existence I can say that today...this is the real me. Someone who enjoys the small things and that if a stranger is in need of a nice word or help I'll go running towards them to mend a piece of their hearts and make them smile, make their day a better one. Maybe they'll forget about me at the end of the day, but they will forever stay in my heart, making me feel complete and satisfied, smiling at what life has put in my path that day.
Who knows what the future hold for me? I'm enjoying my present. Maybe my plans for life will be completely different of what I have in mind right now. But what I do know...is that if they happen in a certain way, it will be for a reason. Am I still searching for perfection? No, I just want everything to happen organically in my life. If it's meant to be, it will happen. If not, only God knows why he didn't want that for my life. And if something happens that makes my world shake as if it were because of an earthquake, I know I'll have the tools to find a solution and face it.
Everything that happened in my life, all those moments that made me freeze and think that there was no way out were put in there because He knew that I was going to be able to make it through, and I did. Here I am world, bring it on!
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