Touché

Thank God for those years of therapy! 
Now I can express no strings attached what I think. Don't get me wrong...I don't like the idea of someone else going to therapy because of my "complaints and annoyance", or that's what my mother says. 
I went to therapy in the first place because I needed some advice on my career but it turned out to be mostly about those fights at home and how to deal with those situations.
I remember always being the one to blame for no apparent reason. And it hurt. I think is something that usually happens when a family member passes away. You get to see your family members without their masks on and you may or may not be prepared to see such things. If mom had a fight with my brother she would say that WE were a disgrace, that WE were the ones to blame..." And I would be in my room just listening to some music or painting just thinking to myself: Why me? 
The other day while talking to one of my best friends after coming back from a party, we realized that it always happens the same. She is going through the same situation that I went through in 2007-2008 and probably 2009. My psychologist might have been a complete idiot when it came to avoiding awkward silences and not remembering a thing that I said about my past (including names, ages, places) but she taught me some good stuff. And now, I can go and give advice to my friend and tell her that it will be alright. She has started therapy already and has a lovely boyfriend that supports her. That's great! :) It took me a year after my dad died to finally wake up and say: I might need some help, I need to get this out off my chest. And I did, proving myself that I was stronger than what the world had seen up until there. 
Now it's my mum's turn. I don't know her reasons...well, she made it quite clear today while arguing with grandma. Let's face it...grandma is old, next year she's turning 90 and you know how old people are: the get easily annoyed. She isn't accustomed at us living our chaotic life, inviting friends, going out at night and she usually makes a big of a deal of everything. And then those who have nothing to do with it,  have to listen to complaints and stuff. (Welcome to my life during 2008!) An then my mum bursts in my door and starts shouting because no one answered the door when the men for the swimming pool maintenance came! I kept my pace. I was like: "first calm down and then tell me because that's not how things work right now for me. I'm tired of arguing because of stupid things. Now you see how bad it is to have to listen to complaints when you had nothing to do in that argument on the first place?" 
And she went on saying that I should stop playing the victim. I'm not...I've told her that I'm way past that period of my life thanks to therapy and that insight of myself trying to find the real me after our lives changed. I finished by saying that I was now the leading lady of my own movie, stronger than before and ready to leave that awful past behind. She just left...and probably all this will be out tonight at the dinner table. Ugh. 
Probably most of you will think that I'm not right, but you should have been there when all the arguing was going on right next to me. That's why I started writing in the first place. I'm really happy with myself right now. I admire this new me that has blossomed, everyone says that to me and it makes me feel amazing. But this arguing really needs to stop. I won't tolerate it anymore, my father wouldn't like to see us like this.
Guys, just don't be afraid and stand up to the world. Be the real you in the world, don't be afraid to take chances. Make a difference!