Ok...so after A LOOOONG time without posting anything and having sooo many drafts in my head (and also after watching tonts of tumblr posts and youtube videos about this) I decided to write this.
You know what? I used to be bullied at school too, and let me say, all those mean words that my classmates and others said to me are very fresh in my memory. I used to be bullied because of my being shy, because of having certain skin colour, because of my looks, because of my being top of my class, because of never cursing...
When I was...I think I was 3 years old or something like that, I used to be the leader to those who were my friends. If I said: "Let's play this", they all followed me. I was so carefree and laughing all the time. Those were the best days. Every time I watch those old videos on my TV I see this girl who was happy and loved by everyone. And I kinda miss that, wishing I could have remained just like that until the year I graduated from high school.
When primary school started and new friends and classmates appeared, I turned into this shy girl, the one that didn't get noticed. Even boys and girls from other grades used to make stupid jokes about me. If we were on our breaks and I was waiting to buy my breakfast on line, they would just ignore me and get in my way. I was so naive and shy that I would just let them do that. I remember having my name written on my school uniform and this older boy came to me with his friend and said: "Hey Erika, what's your name?" and laugh out loud. I remember looking down and walking away. Why was it always me? Why couldn't I say just something?
Even while on holiday this girl would tease me. If I were playing with my brother she would come and say: "You're ugly, your name is ugly and you're fat" and that would just break my heart. How was I supposed to be a role model for my brother if I couldn't stand up and say something back to this mean girl? Every time my family and I went on holidays with friends, I would hang out with the boys because it was much easier. They wouldn't call me ugly, fat or whatever, they would just tuck me in as one of them, and it felt nice.
One of my friends when I was like 8, said to me: "My sister thinks that you look like a monkey and that you're ugly, but you're my best friend, but I thought you should know" That broke my heart, and if my confidence was low, then after that, it was worse. A boy once said something really mean to me one morning at school. Out of nowhere he just insulted me because of my skin tone being darker than his. I started sobbing and went to my teacher. She told him not to call me that anymore and eventually he didn't. But I still remember that moment perfectly.
Once one teacher even called me DOCILE in front of the entire classroom because if she told me: "Erika, why don't you just go and sit there next to...?" I would do it, because I was so shy. Awful.
And there were this mean, mean girls that would say awful things to my best friend, molest her and I defended her whenever in music class they would grab her flute not allowing her to play. I would try to not let go and try to not allow that to happen, but this girl gave me this awful look every time. It scared me...
I was always last picked when we used to be in gym class. I would never get the ball, would always be screamed at for not doing my job well, be called stupid, slow, idiot and lots of things more. And I thought that being selected to be the flag bearer for an entire year would make them stop! I mean, the school principal adored me, the secretaries adored me but some of my classmates still made fun of me, still calling me fat, ugly, loser...but I tried to stay in my happy place with my three friends. We would spend our fifteen minutes breaks talking and eating in the chapel or listening to our Walkmans in the classroom, being the ones that we couldn't be when the break was over. Even at camps we were teased, that was awful.
But one time I said: ENOUGH and I remember seeing this girl's face when she had said something about me and I replied: "You're an asshole" and she was like: "Oh my God, she speaks!"
And when I had a fight with my friends, there was this other group that tuck me in. I felt respected and like I belonged, even if we were slightly different in our opinions. I still cared about my friend and eventually made up with them. We promised we would remain together until school ended. I remember getting a list of my classmates where we had to tick the ones that we would like to have as classmates when we started secondary school the next year. I think that me and my three friends were the ones that agreed not to have those bullies near us anymore. That happened, thank God.
When this new year started and I got to meet my new classmates that had gone to school in the afternoons, I felt loved and that I belonged. We had an amazing time together! We had our group of friends that would just dance during breaks, make jokes, have meetings during the week and weekends, it felt great. But when we had English class, I had to face those bullies again. I didn't care because I was happy, and having just two hours a week with them didn't affect me.
I was still being picked last at gym class but I tried my best every time, I was still top of my class, flag bearer again, even given the comradeship badge from my classmates, those were the days.
I found that strength through music which showed me that I should stand up for myself, let them know that I am unique and special, to not let bullies bring me down, succeed and show that I don't care what they say because my classmates and new friends believed and loved me. And that's what I did. The bullying somehow stopped, and that fat, shy girl was gone. I even had a best friend, a boy, that had fallen in love with me. I would have never thought in a million years, not even a lifetime, that something like that would happen! When I had my quinceañera I was the center of attention, everyone said that they didn't know that I could be that funny and open with everyone, that made that night the best one by far!
As we started playing hockey at school, I was always picked as part of the "attack" team by our coach, and as I was so good at it I was sometimes the goalkeeper or a great defense. We won lots of times, I started being picked first, not only at hockey but also when playing volleyball. I even got my revenge with that girl that used to tease me all the time. Revenge was sweet! Thanks to her bullying I became who I was, I was the best in the team, the best in school, found pretty by boys, my friends defended me, asked for my advice and help at studying.
And those last three years of high school I grew even more. I was more open, not caring about them making fun of me, had an amazing relationship with my new classmates when choosing the economical orientation in high school. I belonged not to one group, but to three of them, had best friends girls and boys, winning volleyball matches, being top of my class in English, loving to speak in front of my class, making fun of myself and sharing laughs with teachers and classmates.
Maybe some of those girls who used to be my best friends weren't anymore, but that new group of friends helped me to become the girl that I am today. And for those who said that I was ugly and fat....SUCK IT! I'm successful, I've traveled to Europe while you stayed in Buenos Aires, studying hard like idiots, I had the chance to meet lots of important people and I may get a job at the European Parliament. I'm about to get my Proficiency results and have lots of doors opened because of this. I may not be the skinniest girl in the world, but I have friends that love me and I never needed to bully anyone to feel more important or popular at school. I can sing, I love acting, I can write amazing stories in just 10 lines, I have an amazing family that supports me and nowadays, whenever I see someone getting bullied, I stand up for them and tell those bullies to shut up because some day, we'll get back to you and you'll regret it!
That's all,
love, the girl that you said was fat, ugly, stupid, looked like a monkey and that would never find love in her life!
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