Creativity...

So, it's Sunday night and here I am, trying to write a new entry for my blog. (oh, and also trying to keep on writing a novella that I've started writing on February)

I have so many things in my mind concerning my writing but I just don't seem to find a way to write them down on paper or on Microsoft Word. Maybe I'll try something different, or maybe even start writing something new.

Maybe someday I'll publish my first 100 pages story somewhere, but for now, I'm just waiting for inspiration to get inside my head.

And....well, I'll go on and try to write something, a few lines at least. Wish me luck!

A greater future awaits for me...

Yesterday while watching a silly TV program (a lame talk show) without realizing it, I was thinking as a psychologist, giving my honest answers to a TV screen while my mother sat next to me. It was weird because; it happens that I sometimes regret leaving my psychology studies. It's like on the one hand my head screams PSYCHOLOGY whilst the other part of my head screams ENGLISH TRANSLATOR. And I came to the idea of: ENGLISH PSYCHOLOGIST. Because, you'll see, I've come to that point where everybody's going to London either to study or travel and I'm stuck here. My entire life was surrounded by the idea of my living abroad. I know every corner of London without even being there in my life. And it brings me to tears to see that as a distant future. My mom tells me to stop fantasizing about it, but, I feel it closer than ever. I even asked to get my new passport for my birthday! I feel in my heart that this can't wait any longer. I remember planning a family trip back in 2007 for the European winter, but it never happened. And then my dad died and that seemed farer than ever. So, now I just want to get the money, buy the ticket and inhale the English culture. Is it a bad thing?

I don't fit here, sometimes I feel like the real me is hidden somewhere inside of me; and it kills me. I have this weird sensation that I was born for greater things, maybe is a weird and ridiculous thing but not right now. I've started writing my first short stories in ENGLISH at the early age of 11. I mean, who does that...having Spanish as a mother tongue? Nothing shared those same hobbies with me. I used to perform those mini plays if you want, alone in my room, night after night, pretending to be a famous actress, planning a future, planning to get a book published. And here I am. I somehow feel like my dad is guiding me; telling me: "go for it!" because he was like me in that way. So, who knows? I'm just planning to take all my exams at University in order to be able to have those three months free to travel to Europe or USA. I just need to speak English 24/7. English is the blood in my veins! :D

Inspired by Julia's post

So, after so long I've decided to come back and write because I still believe that it has helped me as a therapy before, so now maybe it will have the same effects.

I'm sure that there's a reason for destiny choosing THIS day for me to start writing again. And it was just because of an amazing post that the amazing Julia wrote this week in her blog.

I believe that only a few people know that I'm adopted, and I don't know why I've never told them. Maybe because I just feel as much a part of my family as any biological daughter/son. There have been so many times when I thought: "If this amazing woman and man hadn't adopted me, where would I be right now?" They have given me the best life that a girl could have asked for, I am the woman that I am today because of them. And every day I realize that even though we aren't biologically related, we have lots of things in common. I don't go walking through life thinking "I'M ADOPTED", I just say to myself: "I have a family, an amazing family, that dreamed about me and wished to have me in their lives."

I won't deny thinking and praying for my biological mother every night before going to sleep. I remember finding out her name and where she lived. That, I will never forget. I pray for her soul and wish her the best if she's still alive somewhere. She gave me life and for reasons that I don't know decided to put me in adoption. Luckily, God acts in mysterious ways and found my perfect match and here I am, 23 years later, sitting in a bedroom, warm in my bed on the 4th anniversary of my father's death. Today, despite of remembering him and regretting those last words I should have said, I got amazing news, a day full of beautiful moments; feeling his presence in this moments that life is offering me.

It was my father's dream to bring me home that mother's day in 1988, which also is my mother's birthday, and it was his decision to give me and themselves the amazing gift of life. I was reborn from that very first moment when they held me, that small baby girl with dark hair, and decided to call me their daughter.

I dreamed about them too, but never thought that life would be as generous as it was, is and will be. I wouldn't change a single thing about my life...because life gave me the most precious thing: LOVE and an AMAZING family....

I've learnt...

I've learnt to let go, learnt to appreciate you, learnt to miss you in a good way, learnt to cherish a kiss that we never had, learnt to forgive and forget all the bad things, learnt to remember that you were the first one that made me feel butterflies in my stomach, learnt to read my only diary entirely dedicated to you and shed a tear, learnt to be myself around you, learnt to open my heart to you that 19th of June, learnt how to make you smile every day, learnt to feel what it feels like to be loved by someone, learnt to write the most beautiful long letters for you, learnt to be held in your arms, learnt the smell of your perfume to remember you, learnt the look in your eyes every time you looked at me, learnt to regret all those letters that I burnt, learnt to look at that rose you gave me with love, learnt to put a smile on my face every time I say your name, learnt to be able to talk to you leaving all the past behind, learnt to remember every single inch of you, learnt to remember all those days when I got goosebumps when you walked towards me, learnt to embrace all those time when you said "I love you" and me...because of fear didn't respond, learnt to no longer wish bad things to you, learnt to cherish a time to talk to you one more time, learnt to remember the way you walked, learnt to miss you, learnt to blame myself for being so stupid, learnt to remember how many times I wished for you to kiss me, learnt to miss you more than anything, learnt to finally say...I LOVED YOU

Bryce style

I feel blessed...and happy as ever!

London

So what happens when you think everything's lost? Should you move on or stay right where you are? Some think life doesn't give second chances. I think it does. As I sit here writing the first thing that comes to my mind, I imagine a future where I'm walkind in the beautiful London. Everytime I hear that group of letter that form that word: LONDON, I can't help it but I shed some tears. My mom just thinks it's a fantasy but there isn't anything I'd love more in my life that to go to the place that inspired me to write stories, songs, poems and gave me the inspiration to paint. It isn't just another place....I feel that is MY place. And I can't wait to be at the travel agency and ask for a plane ticket to London. Maybe I won't believe it up until my plane lands in the UK. This post is cheesy but that's what is going through my mind right now. Alright...I'll get ready for college now, to study and achieve my goal!